longing to tell-ed. tricia rose

“My mother was very open in discussing sex. It was just heterosexual sex. I always knew who she was dating. I think I was definitely a child who has to sometimes takes on roles that would be parental roles. I was my mother’s confidante; I was my mother’s friend almost in a sense, but it was very one-way because I couldn’t share my things with her. And to this day she’ll call me up, “I got troubles with this and that.” But now it’s becoming more a two-way street.” (242)

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5 thoughts on “longing to tell-ed. tricia rose

  1. “I had orgasms through the oral sex but not through intercourse. He was very generous with that. Too generous, because I was not really in tune to my physical side, and it was overwhelming. And I think he kind of liked that. The climax would get so that I could hardly stand it. So he would hold my arms, hold them down to keep me from pulling his head away. I enjoyed it, but then it was too overpowering. Because I didn’t know how to express my feelings, but I wanted to say, “If you could slow it down, maybe I could enjoy it more.” But I was never able to say that. That’s the bottom line. I was just not tuned into my sexual needs, and even though we were in the bedroom I didn’t have it in me to say it. I think he had that bit of control.” (252)

    “I believe that if a child is old enough to ask something, they’re old enough to hear an answer. That answer becomes more complicated, more complex as life goes on. But if you can ask it, if you can articulate the question, then you deserve an answer. I want to provide the kind of information that I didn’t get, absolutely. But it’s just not fair. Why get them caught up in the subterfuge, the masks and wall and the mirrors?” (278)

    “I feel that intimacy is broken when someone lies to me. I don’t like being lied to. Sometimes people will say, “Well, I had to lie. I was trying to protect you.” I just don’t feel like lying to someone you care about is protecting them, regardless of what the lie is. I think that honesty is always the best policy. And this is something that I learned from experience: if you tell a lie, it’s going to come back to haunt you. I feel like if someone was to lie to me, then I might feel that the intimate bond between us might have been broken. I’m not saying that it can’t be fixed or resolved, but I think it would damage the bond to be lied to.” (287)

  2. “I guess intimacy is a connection that you feel which is not going to be universal for everyone else with that person. Something that speaks about an individual’s giving of themselves in a way that’s direct to you, and to your feelings. Intimacy is a connection that is really focused. It could be a passionate focus; it could be friendly intimacy or family. I mean, there’s moments at Thanksgiving or something when you’re like, Gosh, you know, if someone else were to come into this environment, we maybe wouldn’t act this way. I guess the level of trust increases-I feel as though the person that I am intimate with has a level of trust about me, or has entrusted me with information, or feelings, that I feel are genuine. Kind of a genuine-ness, a being-in-touch-ness. And sometimes, sexual intimacy doesn’t get you to that kind of intimacy. Sex kind of takes the form of recreation more than an actual expression of trust. I think it can play a part in it, but it also can be separate.” (341)

  3. “I want a partner that has a clear sense of himself so that whatever happens in the relationship, he can communicate those things to me that are really important as we get to know each other. I don’t have a problem communicating what’s important to me. What I have a problem doing is not losing it in the relationship. Because I continue to use my self-esteem. I find some men with low to no self-esteem, and then I try to work hard with my self-esteem to give them self-esteem. And I normally don’t do this until I’ve really fallen way over, right in. So I need someone with a clear sense of self. If you’re poor and you’re happy,or you have a clear sense of what you are doing-let us say you decide you want to teach and teaching is your life’s dream and you do it well. You’re not going to make a lot of money teaching, but if you know it’s your life’s dream and you do it well, then you’re fine. And if you meet me, and I’m making two hundred thousand a year, then you won’t care. You won’t mind living the lifestyle that our two salaries will bring. But money matters, only in that I have yet to find a man who is so clearly defined in himself that somehow money doesn’t enter that definition.” (370-1)

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