negropedia-patrice evans

the assimilated negro’s crash course on the modern black experience

(suitable for all melanin levels)

“did we write that book?”

that was what the giftee of the book asked me when i shared with her that the first chapter is called ‘black is the new black’ and that it suggests ‘dating an asianista’. i laughed out loud when i saw it in my favorite bookstore in chicago a few months ago, so i had to get it for the family. it’s eery sometimes how i felt like i’ve said these exact things:

“Or how about this: Negroes should start adopting little white babies. (I guess we’d need Africans scooping them up if want to keep it real, but it’d be a start.) Oprah, Tyra, and Beyonce should go hold that down for us. How cute would that be? Beyonce and Jay-Z saving some poor little white girl in Nebraska. Awwwwwwww.
So it’s settled. Adopting white ought to be the new adopting black. That would take the edge off the whole situation. And until then, the jury will have to remain out on the Hollywood elite snatching up our little black babies.” (155)

see the Chocolate News clip on how these ladies are abandoning their babies in parks when they become teenagers.

“If hip-hop were grunge, The Roots would be Nirvana. But even though hip-hop is so much larger in scope than grunge ever was, I suspect Nirvana still holds more space in the public mind. Your grandmother can probably hum along to ‘Teen Spirit,’ but ‘Break You Off’? I suspect not.” (131)

undun undun undun undun undun.
specifically, the otherside.

“This self-segregation reflects how the understanding of freedom and equality has changed from back in the day. In King’s time, the problem with different water fountains for different colors wasn’t just the separation but the fact that blacks often drank from the outhouse. It was humiliating. Now that we have the same quality of plumbing and a little respect, a water fountain just for black people would be awesome! I bet Martin would rather hang out with the boys, discussing Jay-Z’s book, Treme, or Drake’s latest album, then have to dish on Animal Collective, the latest Seth Rogen vehicle, and Katy Perry’s latest music video (actually, the Katy Perry video might not be a problem). Cue up an episode of
The Boondocks, but skip the latest Two and a Half Men episode.” (41-2)

“Think Tony Robbins or Eckhart Tolle without the hard capitalist stance or the business infrastructure-and a little blacker. Like Scientologists, the Five Percenters follow a self-affirming philosophy of positive action, coded and packaged for easy consumption.” (103)

um, yea. this connection is the exact one that i recently came to…..
say my (government) name.


One thought on “negropedia-patrice evans

  1. “that’s not science”:

    “Perfect the art of the ironic. Conscious rappers are often counterculture label whores espousing neo-Marxism. If successful enough, no one will call out the bullshit when you do jingles for The Gap.” (55)

    aaahhh!!! i have whole performance pieces dedicated to this moment-and had to break up with rachid!

    “So they may presume you like chicken (don’t we all!) and have a big penis (don’t we wish!), but at least they’ve learned from Jay-Z and 50 Cent that Negroes don’t sell crack anymore, we just rap about it. What it boils down to is that even if a racist clutches her bag when she sees you on the street, she might still let you touch her coochie after a couple of drinks.” (74)

    this is from a meditation on fucking racists. dood…

    “You need at least three people to have a cipher; otherwise you’re just rhyme texting with your friend.” (117)


    “Ignorance is more American than African American apple pie. Most of us don’t know shit about our own history, let alone the history of other continents, countries, states, cities, or blocks. We are a selfish, myopic people. And we learned by watching you, America!” (213)

    don’t everybody like the smell of gasoline?
    well burn muthafucka, burn american dreams…

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