the 50 funniest american writers-according to andy borowitz

i love the same stories by sloane crosby (the ponies) and david sedaris (stadium pal et al.), so dood is all good in my books, even if i didn’t completely agree with all of his choices here.

“Here was my thinking. Whenever you come out with a ‘best of’ list, you’re bound to irritate people, and by ‘people’, I mean the people you’ve left off the list and their relatives. They start bad-mouthing it, which forces other people (me, and my many Internet aliases) to defend it. If you’re lucky, the controversy goes viral and lots of people start arguing about who deserves to be on the list and who doesn’t.” (xiii)

“Finally, I haven’t written introductions to the individual pieces because I’d rather let the writing speak for itself. To get back to the playlist analogy: explaining what makes a song amazing is a pretty amazing way to wreak a song. That’s why when I have a part I just put my iPod in the dock and shut my piehole.” (xv)

i also heart his method. heart heart.

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One thought on “the 50 funniest american writers-according to andy borowitz

  1. laugh out loud:

    “I ain’t attempting,” says he, “to decry the celebrated moral aspect of parental affection, but we’re dealing with humans, and it ain’t human for anybody to give up two thousand dollars for that forty-pound chunk of freckled wildcat. I’m willing to take a chance at fifteen hundred dollars. You can charge the difference up to me.” (19) from The Ransom of Red Chief by O.Henry

    “I stared at her ears, liking the way they were joined to her head. There was something complete about them; you knew they were there for keeps. When you’re a private eye, you want things to stay put.” (79) Farewell, My Lovely Appetizer by S.J. Pereman

    “Why can’t you just say, ‘I want to be with you, and hug and kiss you.’ No, it’s ‘Come up while I change my shirt.’ Or coffee. ‘Let’s have a cup of coffee.’
    In 50 years, coffee will be another dirty word.” (130) How to Talk Dirty and Influence People by Lenny Bruce (nice! wanted it since The Game)

    “Communists all seem to wear small caps, a look I consider better suited to tubes of toothpaste than to people. We number, of course, among us our own cap wearers, but I assure you they are easily avoided. It is my understanding that Communism requires of its adherents that they arise early and participate in a strenuous round of calisthenics. To someone who wishes that cigarettes came already lit the thought of such exertion at any hour when decent people are just nodding off is thoroughly abhorrent. I have been further advised that in the Communist world an aptitude for speaking or writing in an amusing fashion doesn’t count for spit.” (244) Better Read Than Dead by Fran Lebowitz

    “A lot of women have concluded that the problem is that guys, as a group, have the emotional maturity of hamsters. No, this is not the case. A hamster is much more capable of making a lasting commitment to a woman, especially if she gives it those little food pellets. Whereas a guy, in a relationship, will consume the pellets of companionship, and he will run on the exercise wheel of lust; but as soon as he senses that the door of commitment is about to close and trap him in the wire cage of true intimacy, he’ll squirm out, scamper across the kitchen floor of uncertainty and hide under the refrigerator of nonreadiness.” (332) Tips for Women by Dave Barry

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