napalm and silly putty-george carlin

this is it-the last of the (book-form) carlins. you gotta love a pedantic comedian, and i thought of him last night as i was coming home and listening to countless people refer to the streetcars as buses, and the night before as the folks in front of me at the game were making duck face and taking a thousand pictures to prove they were at an event that they weren’t even watching. not a big deal, except they were preventing me from seeing it, too. the lesson here-i’m not a good person to sit in front of at the acc-for neither raptor game nor prince concert. bigups to the sugar hill gang, naughty by nature, and my demar derozan doll (4851 of 10,000)-he’s truly for the kids, tweeting about giving books. my tipsy shoutout (pete made me a mini gin and juice and presented me a dr. dre sticker) probably won’t make it onto the club’s official publicity roll, but it should. just sayin’. i may have been rejected from participating in the drag musical for being too old, but life is still pretty fuckin’ fantastic.

“Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.” (8)

“People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.” (9)

“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settle for very little.” (59)

“Jesus doesn’t really love you but he thinks you have a great personality.” (102)

“My main operating principle: Don’t take any shit from the zeitgeist.” (142)

“In Los Angeles, there’s a hotline for people in denial. So far no one else has called.” (230)

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One thought on “napalm and silly putty-george carlin

  1. we’re just..tithing…dancing the night away:

    “Here’s how you get rid of counterfeit money: Put it in the collection plate at church.” (191)

    Size Matters
    The arrogant nature of golf is evident in the design and scale of the game. Think of how big a golf course is. It’s huge; you can’t see one end of it from the other. But the ball is only an inch and a half in diameter. So will someone please explain to me what these pinheaded pricks need with all that land?
    America has over 17,000 golf courses. They average over 150 acres apiece. That’s three million-plus acres. Four thousand, eight hundred and twenty square miles. We could build two Rhode Islands and a Delaware’s worth of housing for the homeless on the land currently wasted on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, racist game.” (111-112)

    “Very few Germans know that in honor of her husband, Mrs. Hitler combed her pussy hair to one side.” (115)

    “We’re so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody’s going to save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. And the supreme arrogance? Save the planet! Are these people kidding? Save the planet? We don’t even know how to take care of ourselves; we haven’t learned how to care for one another. We’re gonna save the fuckin’ planet?” (96)

    “I don’t understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal, fucking is legal. So why isn’t it legal to sell fucking? Why should it be illegal to sell something that’s legal to give away? I can’t follow the logic. Of all the things you can do to a person, giving them an orgasm is hardly the worst. In the army they give you a medal for killing people; in civilian life you go to jail for giving them orgasms. Am I missing something?” (100)

    “There’s also a mention of carry-on luggage. The first time I heard this term I thought they said ‘carrion,’ and that they were bringing a dead deer on board. And I wondered, ‘What the hell would they want with that? Don’t they have those little TV dinners anymore?’ And then I thought, Carry on? ‘Carry on!’ Of course! People are going to be carrying on! It’s a party! Well, I don’t much care for that. Personally, I prefer a serious attitude on the plane.” (13)

    “I’d like to pass along a piece of wisdom my first-grade teacher shared with us kids. She said, ‘You show me a tropical fruit, and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.’ I’ll always remember that.” (43)

    “It’s ridiculous, and it goes to ridiculous lengths. In prisons-and this is true-in prisons, before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It’s true! Well, they don’t want you to get an infection. And you can see their point: wouldn’t want some guy to go to hell /and/ be sick! It would take a lot of the sport out of the whole execution.” (50)

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