shaq uncut-with jackie macmullan

“So we go on the Arsenio Hall Show and I’ve got on this red outfit on that this girl at the mall made for me. It’s got glitter and the sleeves are cut off and I’m looking mighty fine. It’s a live audience. We’re doing this rap and you can tell everyone is really enjoying it. They thought I was going to make a fool of myself. They didn’t realize before I do anything I make sure I’m prepared.” (81)

yo, nehal-can you please find the video for this? i can’t seem to, and since it was you who persuaded me onto team shaq in a heartbeat (after 15 years) two halloweens ago, i don’t think it’s too much to ask. like the video of shaq diesel conducting the boston pops, it will truly be the gift that keeps on giving. i can’t help but wonder after the title, and the random one-liners that the authors just leave and walk away from, but that’s just the joy in learning more about this fascinating giant with a penchant for puppets.


4 thoughts on “shaq uncut-with jackie macmullan

  1. (no) love and basketball:

    “The bad thing is when you have two alpha males on the team that don’t have the same understanding, things can go haywire. That’s what happened with Penny and me. I was the AA alpha male and Penny was the AB alpha male. Somewhere along the way he decided he could do it without the big dawg.” (105)

    “That poll bothered me. The fans seemed like they had turned on me. I had worked my ass off for that city, and this is how they repaid me?” (109)

    speaking to lebron’s sitchy-ation?

    “Not long after we moved to Germany, I met this white guy named Mitch Riles and he looked exactly like Larry Bird. He had the long hair and the same ugly nose, and he could shoot his ass off.
    So he’s got the Bird thing down, so now I’ve got to get the Magic Johnson routine down. That means I’ve got to learn how to dribble, make the no-look pass, all that stuff. We’re out there every day playing Magic vs. Bird, Celtics vs. Lakers, and I’m learning skills that big men don’t ever show. I’m developing some moves.” (18-9)

    “I always wore a Gucci hat back then. Hey, I was already tall, so why hide it? I’d take that hat and make it sit high on my head like a shark fin. I swear, I was about seven foot eight with that thing on.” (26)

    deepest, darkest….

    “The reason I did that was because whenever I was a kid and won a trophy, he’d let me take it home and admire it. I’d get up the next morning and go to school, and the trophy would be gone by the time I got home. When I asked him where it was, he’d tell me, ‘That’s over. History. Go win another one.’” (64)
    “So Penny would come in with a Ferrari, and I’d go out and buy two Ferraris. I’d cut one in half and superglue it together with the other one, and I’d have a long Ferrari.” (97)

    “My years in Orlando were a great time in my life. Our team was getting better, but we were still young and foolish and having fun. I was a real practical joker. Guys would come out of the shower and i’d completely ambush them, tackle them, take them to the ground.
    Butt naked, of course.
    Guys started to realize they better stay sharp on the plane, otherwise they might wake up with pink-painted fingernails.” (100)

    “Then there was the nickname game. After one stretch where I had completely dominated Vlade Divac, Rik Smits, and Arvydas Sabonis, I started calling myself the Big Deporter. By January 2000 I was in the middle of the most incredible stretch of my career, so I told everybody my new name is The Big Stock Exchange. When they asked me why, I gave them my full-strength thousand-watt smile and said, ‘Numbers, baby, numbers.’” (144)

    “Some guys are what I call natural salad eaters. Kobe, LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, they’re salad eaters. Their bodies are fabulous, chiseled. I don’t know what they eat but they look like he-man dawgs. It’s a genetic gift.” (156-7)

    “I took great offense to that. Here’s Bill Walton, who was injured /most of his career/, who actually sued a team doctor because he thought they messed him up, talking about me and my injuries? No. Not a chance I’m going to sit there and listen to that bullshit.
    Of course the media asked me about it. I told them, ‘I heard Mr. Walton’s comments and I think Mr. Walton has broken the Big Man Pecking Order Code 225.7, which means that his resume isn’t quite good enough to speak on what I’ve done.’” (213)

    “When I lost to Dale Earnhardt Jr., I had to pull out that pink bikini again and run around the track in it. When I lost to Roethlisberger, I had to send him my championship ring so he could wear it for a week.” (229)

    “But because it’s Kobe and Shaq, it’s another chapter in our long running, unscripted reality show.
    Don’t think for a minute we didn’t manipulate y’all from time to time. Remember in 2006 when the Heat played the Lakers on Martin Luther King Day? I went up and shook Kobe’s hand before the game and it was breaking news. World headlines, because before that our relationship was kind of frosty.” (231)

  2. money talks:

    “My grandpa had dreams of being rich, so every day he’d give me and my cousin Andre a dollar to go buy the Quick Pick lottery ticket and another dollar to buy bread. My cousin and I were entrepreneurs. We’d buy the Quick Pick, but then we’d buy the cheap, stale bread that cost sixty cents and use the other forty cents to buy gum. We did that a few times before someone in the house said, ‘How come this bread never tastes fresh?’ We got found out and got a whupping from my crazy grandpa.” (12)

    “Philip taught me how to box out and shoot with my elbows tucked in the right way. One of the first books he ever gave me was a story of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s life. I read the whole thing, and one part of the book was about how Kareem lost all his money investing in soybeans. I told myself, ‘When I get rich, that’s not happening to me.’” (13)

    “Even though I didn’t have any money, I wanted people on campus to think I did. I was The Man and I had to act the part, so I took a phone from m y dorm room and I put a phony wire underneath my Bronco and pretended I had a car phone. I used to drive around pretending to talk to everybody on it.” (58)

    “There were two guys who weren’t like that. Biggie Smalls and Jay-Z couldn’t have been nicer. They did it for free. They told me, ‘Man, I love your work. You are a real rapper.’” (84)

    “It took me a while, but I finally came clean with him. I showed Lester my bedroom, where there were a whole bunch of wooden rain barrels-full of quarters.
    Lester said-’Shaquille, what the hell is this? Is this the missing money?’
    ‘Yes,’ I admitted. ‘Lester, I can’t help it. I like /seeing/ my money. Come here, run your fingers through all these quarters. It’s awesome!’” (95)

  3. father of the year:

    “People like to tell me I need to make peace with my biological father. Those people need to mind their own business. I didn’t hear anything from that guy for years until I started dunking basketballs and being famous. Then he’s on the /Ricki Lake Show/ telling everyone he misses me and how come I won’t have anything to do with him, and he wants me to meet my half brother.” (16)

    “It’s hard to be married to a professional athlete. We’re locked into this one thing-to win a championship-and when it doesn’t work out, well, we’re not all that fun to be around. We’ve also got people pulling at us all the time and sometimes we forget to push them away.
    Besides, I was moody around the house. If I read a bad article that someone wrote about me, I’d take it out on my wife. I admit I was a male diva.” (208-9)

    “Both Shareef and Shaqir really love basketball. They are like little sponges. They want to know everything. They love the NBA, so I get some tape of Allen Iverson and we watch that, and then some of Tracy McGrady, and they can’t believe how great TMac was before he got injured. They love seeing highlights of their uncle Kobe too.
    The other day Shareef was trying to get down Ray Allen’s jump shot. Shaqir, he was working on Blake Griffin’s spin move. I can’t believe how sharp they are. I show them something once, and I come back to it a week or a month later and they’ve nailed it.
    Someday they’ll appreciate what their father did in his day, but right now the other players are more interesting. It’s okay. I’ve got some Shaq highlight reels when they’re ready to see ‘em.” (210)

    it’s like the video of michael jordan’s kids answering the question, ‘who’s your favorite player?’ immediately and emphatically, ‘BJ!’ his airness looks bewildered and counters, ‘bj-what about daddy?’

  4. and, line:

    “I liked Lester because he was straightforward and very smart and not too slick. Not only that, he represented some rappers.” (74)

    “Magic was very nice to me. We didn’t have a ton of conversation because I’m not a jock sniffer, but he kind of looked out for me.” (79)

    “And, of course, I always had PETA on my case because of my fur coats and the stuffed wild game I had displayed in my house.” (167)

    “The Chinese Rod Stewart bought it.
    He paid cash, too.” (176)

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