let’s talk about beyonce looking bored as fuck courtside at game 6

like someone tied her ass to a chair and made her watch golf.

yea, i’m salty-i admit this right off the top. i’m hating. i’m jealous. i’m all of that, but i’m a basketball fan-and that shit was so disrespectful. i forgot-she just started watching ball a year ago. but really? she can be all smiles and cheers at a regular season OKC game, but in a do-or-die game six that her team (literally her team, until very recently) won handily at home and she can’t keep her eyes open? i mean-90% of this woman’s business is her face-she’s tying terrence ross for the oscar for “fix your damn face”?! i get it-she’s tired, she’s a superstar, she’s vegan-but no-this bitch can go 78 hours straight on a video shoot and she can’t pretend to be pleased for 48 minutes? no excuse. it’s not like she’s even slowing her pace to enter or exit the stadium-whatever. are you a captive, beyonce? there’s no way you can go to one of your homes? what the shit?

i’m mad about this because i’ve been a rabid fan of basketball since junior high school. i’m mad because my city had a team for all of six minutes before it was stripped from us partly because our city would not support. this could be in part because nobody wanted to play for us except that big unfortunate bloke who was affectionately known as “big cunt”. as puppylike as he was, at least he was an excellent free throw shooter for a center (this was when shaq was throwing up all those bricks from the line). i’m mad because the closest i ever sat in that stadium was row 8, during the worse loss in grizzlies‘ history-we lost by 65 points to the indiana pacers, and it looked like the reggie miller 3-point contest. but i stayed for every excruciating minute because i love basketball and was so happy to see the game played live. i’m mad because coach didn’t play mahmoud abdur rauf (the player formerly known as chris jackson) enough after he turned the tide for multiple games. i’m mad because my best friend moved heaven and earth to get us tickets behind the chicago bench when i was at the height of my love with scottie pippen (probably the only chance i ever had to see him play live) and my father (aka asian hitler) would not let me go to the game. i’m mad that when we had no team, we had to drive to seattle-though i’m glad that i got to see gary payton play before we died after all those years of watching the supersonics play on their local tv because canada didn’t have teams or give a damn (detlef schremph, big smooth, nate mcmillan, shawn kemp before the coke-i see ya). and then-they took that team away too (so i’m kind of a default okc fan) and i moved to a city that not only doesn’t care about basketball, but it doesn’t even see itself as part of canada, let alone the only canadian basketball team that exists in the nba.

i’m mad because i’ve lived in toronto for coming up on five years, and the first year i was so broke i could barely eat let alone spring for basketball tickets. the next two successive home openers that i was present for-they lost. i’m mad because i’ve known since we one this year’s home opener that it would be a big year. i’m mad because it’s been the hugest year any toronto sports team has had in a hot minute and there is so much apathy and ignorance around it that it makes me crazy. i’m mad because i’m not considered a client that’s worth my agent’s time because i can’t afford to sit any closer than the 300s. i’m mad because i always have a perfect bird’s eye view of drake‘s seats whether he’s in them or not. i’m mad because i just want a damn black and gold tee with the damn own on the back even though i can’t negotiate the ticketmaster website to buy tickets into the 416 zone. but at least drake acts like he cares-because he does. i’m not gonna lie-i laughed my ass off at the website of his pictures clutching demarcus cousins et al., but shit-like that epileptic on the subway jamming to paris-that’s probably what i’d be like too. i’m mad that our press ignores/massacres our team on the regular. i’m mad that we pack the streets to watch the game broadcast outside a stadium with nobody inside (certainly not any hockey players or fans) and people are barely inside the barclay’s center. i called the refs our second opponent in every game that we play, anywhere we play tonight on twitter, but i’m actually mad that they sometimes seem like our first opponent-especially at home. it’s ironic that jason kidd is complaining about calls-but hey, what’s 25 grand to a guy like him…did someone spill a soda on the floor?

i’m mad that the best seat my ass has ever filled in the ACC was ironically for the beyonce concert last year. i’m mad that’s lower bowl, but nowhere near courtside. i feel like the folks who have been waiting for fourteen years for lauryn hill, only to be drowned out by the idiots bitching about waiting on her for three hours. it’s not just the injustice of the economics-it’s that the people who get the best seats are usually the people who have no fucking clue. yea, you got a coat check exclusively for your fucking canada goose jacket (now an american goose jacket), but have you a clue or a feeling about the game? (rhetorical)

so i hereby declare that i will not be spending any more of my money buttering the carters’ bread so they can buy more basketball teams and not appreciate them. fuck your tours-i got my memories. i’m gunning higher. thanks for obliging, internets-goodnight.


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