it’s not you by sara eckel

27 (wrong) reasons you’re single

“In polite society, there’s an understanding that inquiring about the reason two people marry is completely inappropriate. Singles are not afforded this privacy. Instead, the rude inquiries are wrapped in compliments about how attractive and together you are. So what the heck’s the deal?” (160)

“Imagine asking a married person if she were happy. It would be wildly inappropriate. Married people are afforded a veil of privacy. We respect that marriage might be hard sometimes but ultimately is worthwhile. When you’re married, you’re assumed happy unless proven otherwise.” (95-6)

“Little credit is given to the person who has the sensitivity and intelligence to avoid the near-engagement or divorce-who takes months, rather than years, to realize the partnership isn’t working. No due is given the person who refuses to be jerked around-thus compelling the jerks to move on to easier prey. It’s assumed there is some love gene that you lack.” (146)

i want a wedding. it’s time i faced that fact. i love weddings. i cry at every wedding i see, even if it’s just on tv. on sunday, i made my monthly day trip to montreal (ok, so october’s was a few days longer) to witness the beauty-full union of my dear friend nadia to her love. it was set in the perfect place, with the perfect decorations, and i was seated with the greatest company. i didn’t stand a chance. i love weddings, and it is definitely my favourite of the ones i’ve attended this year. so, i love weddings, and i want one. preferably one that looks just like solange’s.

“I curated and cherry-picked my life the way one does a Facebook page.” (91)

i just don’t want to be married.

is that too much to ask?

apparently. at lunch a few weeks ago, my girl vivi and i figured out that we would be the witches. the women who would’ve been burned at the stake in years past. she’s a midwife and we’re both 35 and unmarried, childless, and i’d rather be at home mixing oils and burning rocks and powders (loose incense is my jam) and handling crystals. yup. first to be drowned.

since the breakup, i’ve been happy reclaiming my space and seeing my friends and babies and exercising and doing my thing, but lately, i’ve been thinking that it’s time to start dating again (and perhaps time to start humping again). though i’m not quite ready for tinder, i had a terrifying dream that i had sex with my ex, and he turned into a rapidly aging dog who, just before dying, savagely bit off my hands. i don’t know what it means, other than i probably shouldn’t have sex with my ex.

“Internet dating, like vaccines and eyeglasses, is one more thing that shows us we’re not slaves to what “happens naturally.” We have brains that develop tools that can counter these things.” (81)

so, i will see y’all back online in the new year, and try not to be too judgemental on your spelling. i like that this book is snappy, it echoes my skepticism of why men love bitches and it’s the one good thing that came out of lea thau‘s “why am i single?” forty-five instalment strangers podcast.

in a interesting turn of events, i posed the question “where do you stand on your whole, undying love for me?” about a month ago, and yesterday, i received a completed flight itinerary to my december day trip, though this time it will be my return to nyc. never say never.


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