“Here’s the thing. Your career won’t take care of you. It won’t call you back or introduce you to its parents. Your career will openly flirt with other people while you are around. It will forget your birthday and wreck your car. Your career will blow you off if you call it too much. It’s never going to leave its wife. Your career is fucking other people and everyone knows but you.” (222)
“Depending on your career is like eating cake for breakfast and wondering why you are crying an hour later.” (223)
i’ve been quoting this since the springtime, and it was telling that those that i didn’t have to explain it further to, are the people who are the same ones that i’m not currently questioning whether or not they want to be my friends.
“It’s easier to be brave when you’re not alone.
We were young and foolish and didn’t know what we were up against. Thank god.” (117)
“I would be feeling overworked and guilty and overwhelmed and suddenly I would be struck over the head by what felt like someone else’s bullshit. It was an emotional drive-by. A random act of woman-on-woman violence.” (151)
because it’s hard out here for a friend sometime, right? everyone’s heard that “good friendships are never difficult”, but that’s bullshit-a friendship is a relationship-every bit as important, if not more important than your romantic relationship-so why wouldn’t it be hard? what if the source of your tension is a disagreement over whether or not it’s appropriate to brush off never seeing each other, rather than just commit to doing so because it’s the right thing to do? there are folks that i’m happy to keep at an arm’s length, and many that i’d like to be closer to, but geography is just too restrictive. there are still others that don’t live within 20 minutes who claim up and down that they love me and are nurtured by being around me (and i them), but for some reason(s)-it takes a million years, fifty-five cancelled plans, and not even a bat of an eyelash that this nonsense is happening, once again. it’s like i’m the only one that notices the disrespect for my time, that i’m over-reacting, and if this is the unfortunate case, well-i guess i’m letting people take the opportunity over and over again to prove that they are not really my friends. and if i keep settling for this, there’s something wrong with me. because it’s a big world, if we want it too, and sometimes the world has to get bigger before it gets smaller. there are people who are out there that are also interested in connecting, people who have knowledge and experience to share and contribute to this world, and gawddammit-i will find them.
sometimes, there is just nothing left to say someone, and that’s ok. but, some good advice that i once got from an ironic source is: “there’s no reason to suffer”. i’ve been trying not to regret giving people the benefit of the doubt for their absence for over thirty-two years now, so i’m not going to take on any new cases. i will step up and show up, and people will show up for me. if it’s not the folks that i thought, it’s not, but i’m over being upset over the ones that i expect who don’t. life is better with me than it is without me, and my life is also better with folks who know and care about that. just because people don’t love you the way that you want them to, doesn’t mean that they don’t. but it also doesn’t mean that it’s good enough if they can’t express that love to you in a way that means something.
“People still think they will be discovered in the malt shop, even though no one can tell you what a malt is anymore.” (219)
“This audience could pay very little to see great comedy, never knowing what famous people would show up, but always knowing that some of the people they were watching would one day be famous.” (196)
the wisdom and the faith from these two thoughts on building not only an audience, but also an act is the overarching thing that i take away from this heavy (only literally-it was a bit much to truck along the weekend after my first standup showcase that caused so much feelings about friends and showing up-but it was a companion to cry with at the loss to the blazers and the mya/mr. cheeks/jon b/intro show) also, we write our “A”s the same way, and both obviously love bird by bird.
bigups to this down-to-earth dynamo who has great advice in general:
“Instead of asking students to ‘declare their major’ we should ask students to ‘list what they will do anything to avoid.’ It just makes a lot more sense.” (13)
“That’s what the social pressure of staying young feels like. You can either exhaust yourself thrashing against it or turn around and let the pressure of it massage out your kinks. Fighting aging is like the War on Drugs. It’s expensive, does more harm than good, and has been proven to never end.” (98)
and on what to do with people who don’t eat pussy in specific-move right the fuck on, thank you very much.