i don’t care about your band (part too)-julie klausner

“The other thing you should get used to if you’re involved with a musician is that you’re expected to go to every gig of his that you can. And he could have a show at times of the week during which no sensible human being would leave her apartment. Even Sunday night, which everybody knows is for Chinese food and HBO. It is not for putting on stockings and makeup so you can watch four people you’d have nothing to say to individually over dinner slam out eight songs after making you wait for an hour while they set up equipment.” (204)

“He was ‘chill’, which is a noun that dicks have recently made into an adjective.” (195)

“I was deliriously turned on. I’d gone from no sex to crazy sex, and it was not healthy. It was setting me up for a crash, like eating a huge pile of candy after fasting for a week.” (146)

“But handsome passes for normal and intelligent when you decide you want it to.” (223)

and today’s pull quotes are dedicated to all the relationship drama that i kind of shaded homegirl for yesterday, but in retrospect, i’m probably actually impressed that she would be so brave as to share all of this, because i know that i’ve been here in many of these situations (obviously, as they resonated so much that i pulled them) but i’m not running to collect and immortalize them in the written word-so kudos to you, miz klausner, thank you for sharing.

“I know monogamy is wrong for some people, and certainly it’s human nature-at least as a kid-to want as much as someone will let you get away with. But don’t expect me to side with a bachelor soliciting sympathy for the burden of juggling women devoted to loving him. I will give that guy nothing.” (239)

“If anyone studying psychology wants a concrete example of what a narcissist looks like, I advise them to consider any man who cheats on his wife. These guys are the textbook me-firsters, the ones who think the rules don’t apply to them, the ones who tell themselves as long as she doesn’t know, there’s no harm done. No woman needs to sleep with these guys. There are so many single self-absorbed narcissists who will fuck you poorly.” (232)

“We were hanging out and hooking up, which is what girls in their twenties expect and men at any age want, because it preserves the ambiguity of an affair and absolves guys from any responsibility when somebody gets hurt. By the time the sex began, we weren’t on a level playing field.” (97)

“Animal Rights Vegans have no problem with PETA-its objectification of women in its ad campaigns, its KKK campaign for which protestors wore white sheets outside the Westminster Dog Show to protest the ‘eugenics’ of purebreds, or that poster they ran comparing chicken farms to concentration camps. That’s how much the Animal Rights Vegan can actively dislike people.” (79)

“He was a great boyfriend at a time when I needed a great boyfriend more than anything, and I broke up with him, then displayed a novice’s ignorance when insisting that we still be friends, unaware of the rule that the person who initiates a breakup has no say about what the relationship then becomes.” (88)

“She was right-what could be more useless than a long-distance, platonic relationship? This went deeper than my own problems. Obviously there was something wrong with Alex beyond his not being super into me-even gay guys let you blow them in the morning.” (137)

and, yea. that last one hits way too close to home. but here’s to not getting there ever again. (never say never ‘cuz then you said never twice).


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