“After orgasming, why do men have such a difficult time getting aroused again by the same woman, but get erect so easily at the sight of a new woman? We think it’s to prevent a man from dislodging his own sperm-the same reason we believe men become flaccid after orgasming. Since the penis appears to be physically designed to shovel out competitor’s sperm, it can just as easily shovel out a man’s own sperm. By becoming flaccid and losing all sexual interest in a woman once he ejaculates inside her, a man increases the chances of impregnating her. But if a new woman appears, it’s in his biological interest to get erect and jump back into action. There might even be another man’s sperm to shovel out of the way. Of course, once he ejaculates inside the new woman, he will again become flaccid and uninterested for the very same reason: sperm preservation.” (192-93)
i don’t remember how i first saw that video, but i’ll never forget it. while the human shovel is nowhere near as horrible as the cat shovel, it’s always looked pretty bleak for females. on that note, i subtitle this last half of my thoughts on this book, “i don’t care about your feelings”.
“Why are men so interested in determining the authenticity of a woman’s sexual pleasure-even when the objective odds of her experiencing bona fide pleasure are low, such as when a man ejaculates on her chest? And conversely, why do men get so upset when they believe a woman is faking pleasure? Perhaps for the same reason the male brain is designed for sexual jealousy: to ensure a woman’s fidelity.” (187)
“Are there any patterns in the half million Missed Connections postings we scraped in the spring of 2010? For me, the single most common phrase is ‘looking for’. For women, it’s ‘miss you’.” (73)
know thyself, and thy tolerance for booty calls. there’s this hot milf who comes into the store to complain about her dating life, but all i hear are her mixed messages. she claims that she just wants to get laid, but refuses to make a tinder account with her picture and the caption “i don’t care about your feelings”, like i suggested. she seems to like all the drama that comes with pity-fucking the socially awkward, and hey-all the power to her, but personally, i’m not trying to build any more bears at this point-these “projects” that always seem to work out for the next one, but you never really see any return on your investment-naw, man-i’m checking for the fully assembled from now on. honestly, if you cannot see anything wrong with making someone wait 20 minutes for you at a cold subway station when you set the early-ass time (she was on vacation) to meet because you had to go to the cafe to use their free wifi because you’re too cheap for a data plan (and you see no problem admitting all of that), just to hike deep into high park so she could pay for her own $4 breakfast, and are confused about why she definitely would not see that as a date-only to send a thousand desperate text messages (including, “are you alive?” and a networking message about how “interesting people know interesting people so i’d like to tag along with you at a function” and “i wasn’t asking you out, just so you understand that”-when you asked to go to dinner and a movie on saturday night) and an angry cast-off one after you asked to go for breakfast again after she politely declined your non-date, then hey-you’re gonna have to learn how to be in the world some other way, because her school of fundamental human relationships is as closed to you as tim duncan‘s is to damien lillard.
thanks for the story, bro-sorry not sorry ’bout your math degree.
but back to the book, and the insight that it has shed for me into the attention span of males-i was also recently presented a booty call situation, one that i definitely wouldn’t be opposed to, i just didn’t know that it had the expiration date of a mcdonald’s meal. because i wasn’t down with it happening the first night we met, because i had a few questions, it seems to have disappeared like the raccoon’s candy floss in a puddle, and all i can say about that is-it’s not making me regret not doing it. at all. but sometimes dating is like that first pancake that doesn’t really know what it’s doing yet, and the next ones come out fluffy and perfect.
“Without an adaptationist perspective, it’s unlikely anyone would have designed a study to look at how well exotic dancers are tipped according to their ovulatory cycle. The fact that tips are higher when dancers are more fertile tells us something about both female desirability and behavior during ovulation and how attractive this is to males.” (xi)
“In fact, many women report lubrication and even orgasm during unwanted and coercive sex: a woman’s body responds, even as her mind rebels. In contrast, if a man is erect, you can make a very reasonable guess about what’s going on in his mind.” (70)
and perhaps that’s it right there-the reason that we’re different and more discerning-because we don’t just have to stick our dick in to something, anything- sometimes for long periods of time (and why, if you break the seal, you better be ready to bring it). i made the controversial statement on new year’s eve that “blue balls is a myth”, and while i was bigged up by my host and sister, i was countered by both a gay man and the straight one who would go on to prove that fuckboys are as fuckboys do (sigh) and i guess i can kind of see the perspective of claiming the sure thing rather than putting in work to step up and stimulate the mental as well as the genitals of a woman who is slicker than the average-and still wants more (see anyone in jada pinkett-smith‘s line for future reference).