journal mine #6

the book: soft cover mid-sized book bound in mauve, front image is twilight on a clearcut forest, with chalk drawings of stars
the timeline: july 5, 2009-august 17, 2009 (incomplete)

at dinner the other night, i was describing an artist friend of mine who is that rare breed of ideas guy and follow-through guy, and was asked which one i think i am. i had to think for a second before i realized that i am also both, just not on a timeline. some of the contents of this journal prove this.

this is exactly the “stopover” between montreal and toronto in which i decided to go home to vancouver and resolve everything i ran away from in order to achieve a fresh start to my new life-the background is that i’d been talking about moving to toronto for a full decade, and montreal had been my final three-year vacation before this happened. at the time, i had not purchased a ticket to toronto, from anywhere. yes, because you’re wondering, i’ve always been very optimistic and faith-full.

(as an aside, i think i recently did this in reverse, when i bought a ticket to vancouver and paid for it in full before getting any verbal confirmation from my family that they’d be around and open to seeing me. i now have a $650 westjet credit that i must spend before the year is out).

ok. so despite my optimism, life sometimes steps in and throws a wrench, and my faith wavers and i do things like read steve harvey books. my participant responses to think like a man (the book that i was probably unduly attracted to after years of being in french libraries) made me smile though:

q: how do you want to be pursued?
a: like a workout routine-realistically paced, always building, in person, on the phone, with messages just because but with set time together, not expensive but expansive gestures, in his own way, nice to have him pay but not always, definitely planning ideas for activities together

like a work-out plan. this one is the best one.

q: what should he be willing to do to woo you?
a: write me love letters. listen to me. make me laugh. cook with me. take care of himself. acknowledge me. often. never stop trying. read with me. read to me. encourage my imagination. nurture it. go along with my hair-brained schemes. trust his instinct. trust mine.

i mean, this doesn’t seem that hard….

i don’t know where these four pages of life tips come from, but here are the highlights:

-soak seeds overnight-good ones will sink, bad ones rise. plant immediately
-use cotton balls or white bread to pick up broken glass (shit, i coulda used this one four years ago when i was exploding everything)
-slice cheesecake with dental floss
-keep a bucket of water with receipts to dissolve them naturally if you don’t have access to a shredder

from my to-do list when i landed in vancouver:

– find money for rock the bells (organize closets)

i don’t know how these two were related-did i plan to sell my clothes? because i had already purged everything and my teenage closets wouldn’t have yielded much….

i did a dream life inventory, and this is the entry that inspired the opening of this post-i am seeing that i have either accomplished what i set out to do in this graph, or that i still aspire towards the same values.

“have baggage, will travel” sticks out because it’s amazing, literally and literally.

also from another set of seemingly unconnected notes:

wale hates ed hardy too.”

i have no idea how i deduced that or why i decided that it was a noteworthy fact, but since that point, i have decided that i don’t care what wale thinks-from all that jumping at the j cole show to the running around the verizon center with that wrestling belt-forget wale. oh wait-was that when he briefly had a sex column? we were both writing hip hop sex columns and i am jealous that he has a wrestling belt-i can’t front. yo wale-can i borrow your belt for my formation outfit?

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