journal mine #11

overheard earlier at the maria schuka library:

“gentlemen, there are two voices that i can hear loud and clear from upstairs”

“is it mine?”

i had an unexpectedly free writing sunday and decided to sleep in and fill in another page of my new library tour log. i conducted all of my writing sunday business (crosswords, poetry mashup, journal mine) in the ambiance of what sounded like 66 adolescent boys who took the above observation as a challenge to escalate their voices over each other.

today’s “journal”: an awkwardly thin brown notebook of waterproof paper that is a little less than a quarter full.
date range: april 26, 2010-august 10, 2010

i kept writing “the office” and it took me a minute to figure out that this was the room that i converted at the greek grandparents’ house after i kicked out the toxic accordion player. it’s funny to me how i thought i was going to move to new york (the dream was waning), that i was done with customer service (ha! as if!), and that my exit plan was to run away and write porn.

i was writing, performing, and stressing about money-and the dates put me right before i got the job at the store. i was definitely on the cusp of a lot of things.

here are some highlights:

“every time i make a decision motivated by money, i buy myself a life lesson more than anything else.”

“my financial situation is the latest in the unlearning that i have to do, and will be my next marker of success once i work that out.”

and i can count many money goals achieved in a relatively short time-it gives me hope for my exercise and relationship goals, lol.

“Beloved-before you beat yourself up, remember that it’s an invitation to others to do the same”-Iyanla Vanzaant

well, well. full disclosure-i haven’t kept up since the oprah partnership-though the read keeps me up on any pertinent fix my life, but i’ll ever be great-full for yesterday, i cried.

“…that the desperation of absolute passion is also not the way to go-the experience of being pregnant and then not decided once and for all that i will not have any babies but i will raise more than my share, that living space is important and vital-creating a home is always worth it, and not letting any old riff raff in is impertative…”

“i am also going to do my best to stop chasing ghosts”

some formulas and squad goals are good enough to keep trying until they’re proven correct

“i’m cool getting my groove back-caulder nash and dahlak braithwaite-i see those 20-year olds who won’t be having my babies in a decade (baby)”

hahahahahahahahahahhahahaha! i love this! it’s hilarious and clearly before i actually dated someone 8 years younger than me. for the record, my new vision is getting married at 50 or the golden girls house. with baby raccoons.

ok, i’m finally allowed to go to the barbecue!


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