bootcamp throwback-a personal relationship vampire story

“we need art because we can’t be honest about who we are”

“one of the biggest enemies of romantic love is self-righteousness”

“we discount partners because they don’t enable us to suffer-our instincts are trouble”

i allowed this writing sunday to unwind as it did-s l o w l y and on purpose. coming home from a leisurely and cuddly wraparound of home-cooking, g&ts, mama’s gun and a deep sleep, vinyl and kanye conversations-my plans to go paddle boarding fell through, but i headed to the water anyway.

i did some colouring to podcasts, and got the above quotes from alain de boton‘s talk about his latest book-the course of love. i mashed up a 27 poem and recommitted to regularly filling out this blog. i did update my human artist statement and decided to merge bootcamp throwbacks and journal mines for this month.

this piece is the one that pulls this all together:

The traditional vampires take your blood and keep coming back until you’re drained. They’re insatiable. Mine gave me hers and has spent my whole life not looking back, leaving me without the comfort of knowing that I am the sustaining force of anything other than my imagination. She holds the power of ensuring that her legacy continues in my eyes as the fragmented sketches of halftruths as assembled by a four-year-old unaware that there will be a test. She runs the risk that I will forget her completely or worse, that I will imagine the worst, or even, the best that she will never be able to live up to. So she doesn’t live in my life, anyway, not actually. She just floats around like some mythical creature that I wish would be out for blood, but she never comes to collect, ever with her forearms exposed to donate and donate, even when she clearly doesn’t need the meagre sums of cash or the juice. So generous, my vampire, such an extreme giver. The feminist alternative to that television true blood, resisting all the stereotypical patriarchal characteristics of true love being all-consuming and high risk. She’s given me an opportunity, really, to relate to the world in a revolutionary way, or the fodder to bullshit my way into convincing everyone that I’m not really interested in vampire stories, or the way that they end. If they ever do.

well that was a heavy flow day.

pride is every day because we want it.

listening to: nomadic massive (big band theory), kiesza (sound of a woman), big sean (dark sky paradise), joey bada$$ (ba.da.$$)
duolingo streak: 531 days, 5995 lingots
holds left: 38 (because i just added the internet and haitus kaiyote)
home books: 20


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