hunger makes me a modern girl-carrie brownstein (more)

“Portland became a respite and a true hometown. Personally, as well as in Sleater-Kinney, I have always relied heavily on resetting. I venture out and take risks, but then I need to return to steadiness and calm.” (181)

“And even though I had never imagined myself on the corporate ladder, I had also never pictured myself peddling tuna fish on sourdough to those who were. So I quit.” (64)

“I was always so relieved to be in a band whose music could obliterate the before, tear through the moment and rip it to shreds.” (144)

“To me, it’s the perfect distillation of the disparity between being onstage and being off. For all the power you command in a live context, all the myth and mythmaking that goes into that moment, elevated by the agreement between performer and audience, when you’re offstage, you’re shrunk down to human size, to the humility it takes to endure the quotidian.” (190)

there is so much in this book. i feel like every time i come back to this book, there’s something more to love. she’s just so able to talk about the beautiful struggle that it’s hard not to love her concise bumbling. even though i never connected to her music, i always felt her feminism, and i believe that our comedy comes from a very similar place. we definitely share that dog love that only true dog lovers do. i admire carrie brownstein, i am inspired by carrie brownstein, and generally, i am glad to be living in a world where carrie brownstein is kicking ass and taking names.

“The dance I choreographed-and I use the term “choreography” loosely, the way you’d call adding milk to cereal “cooking”-was a combination of marching and punching, and probably resembled aerobics being done by a penguin.” (18)

“Despite our best intentions, we had the momentum and direction of a silk scarf being juggled by a mime.” (179)

“We formed a constellation of surrogates who likely should have been paying the dogs for therapy; it could have funded the entire shelter operation. We cried when the dogs were euthanized but also when they were adopted; we had been seeking comfort in the constant and could barely deal with change. The term ‘shelter’ seemed to apply as much to humans as it did to animals.” (227)

it should come as no surprise that images these power-full come from the mind of a self-made musician and comedy show innovator, but i just want to call attention to it again.

“We always wanted to bring openers that raised our level of playing and performance; we were honored and excited to do it.” (189)

“Being in a band with an ex, and both being songwriters and lyricists, takes a lot of compassion and understanding. Sometimes I think Corin and I fell back into a kind of platonic love by learning about each other through the songs we were writing.” (138)

“There is very little about being a working musician that is glamourous, which is why I have never understood people who get onstage and hardly even try. What else is there besides that moment? Why would you want to waste it?” (191)

“Tour is a precarious nexus between monotony and monomania-a day of nothingness followed by a moment that feels like everything……But most of the day feels shapeless, a blurriness that comes into focus only once you soundcheck and begin the progression toward the show itself.” (207)

“We ended the band at the best time we could, when people really wanted us to stay.” (218)

this all hits a bit close to home, fresh off my weekend with nomadic. it all just seems a bit unfair-that women still have to navigate the world(s) so differently, that simple logistics can bring a whole house down, and just how the stage is a magical buffer that bubblewraps the band and reminds us to be present and appreciate a moment because once the set is over, all of that life stuff just comes rushing back to punch you in the face.

i’m happy that i was able to sit with my sista while hoards of strangers came up to her to thank her for her beauty-full presence. it would be a tragedy if she wasn’t able to perform anymore. and i do not subscribe to the “well, at least she has a son that she loves”. no-it’s actually a crime against humanity to deprive the world of that talent and that influence. but hey-i’ve always wanted more.

and i always know what i want.

duolingo status: 536 day streak, 6001 lingots
holds/checkouts: 38/8
book that i’ve heard about twice in two days: a little life
this morning’s culinary game: breaded pepper trout with pineapple kale quinoa
social event of the night: comedy at the emerson


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