against love-laura kipnis

“Love is also a way of forgetting what the question is. Using love to escape love, groping for love outside the home to assuage the letdowns of love at home-it’s kind of like smoking and wearing a nicotine patch at the same time: two delivery systems for an addictive chemical substance that feels vitally necessary to your well-being at the moment, even if likely to wreak unknown havoc in the deepest fibers of your being at some unspecified future date.” (49)

“The freedom to develop one’s own personality in one’s own way is widely regarded as a fundamental human right of the modern individual, but isn’t it also what makes certain mates so incredibly difficult to get along with?” (75)

“Lovers reveal to each other what they don’t dare say elsewhere, sometimes not even to themselves. Perhaps love affairs are for saying the unsayable.” (120)

“And what sort of shrivelled social creature emerges from this prolonged warm bath of advice? If once brimstone and hellfire kept populations in line, now there’s sudsy self-improvement.” (69)

this is another gem that came out of the writers who reveal their reasons for not breeding book, and i’m ever great-full for that anthology and all the wisdom that has come from its index.

i like the discussion of love in the context of control and identity and all of the associated constructs. it’s a great prequel to the article in the aforementioned anthology, really.

yesterday on the beach, i stated that i feel very privileged that a) i have never known substance abuse and b) i do not have fibroids. i guess what i mean by this is that i have never yielded to any chemicals that exist outside my body, and my body has never been an enemy to me-specifically, my female body has never been an enemy to me. i acknowledge that these two things have probably influenced my life decisions and how i experience the freedoms of my own making.

i also acknowledge the privilege of living in a rich, imaginary world and choosing love or the illusion of love to cope from love and being utterly and completely disappointed when the real thing shows up in all its realness.

sorry, love. i wanted you to look like you did in the pictures.


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