everything you wanted to know about ex-heather belle and michelle fiordaliso

“What do you do with the people you’ve loved, lost, or left? We’re called Generation X, but what we really are is Generation eX; we’re obsessed with Exes.” (xix)

“Memory is not accurate, and people exaggerate the good or the bad, in the service of whatever story they are telling about their Ex. The more you exaggerate, the more dramatic and interesting your story becomes. This screws you up. By making your Ex into Superman, he actually becomes your kryptonite.” (70-1)

“Once you stop abandoning yourself by finding that calm, still place inside of you, you won’t be nearly as afraid of others leaving you. This will make you stronger, wiser and healthier to love and be loved.” (100)

“While the desire to please caregivers is natural, it can become confusing if too much was expected from you as a child…..If responsibilities were foisted upon you too early, you may have come to believe that your greatest worth comes from denying yourself and offering up acts of service instead.” (102)

“But any traits that an Ex helped bring out are yours to keep-whether it’s strength, a side of your sexuality that you never saw, your wit, your boldness. You don’t even need a lawyer to divide these assets. All of them are yours.” (124)

“As Eleanor Roosevelt said, ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.’” (224)

“Having Exes is a good thing: it means that you were willing to open your heart to another person. Even if your Exes brought out the worst in you, the lessons they taught you give you an opportunity to write a different story, reinvent yourself, or wipe the slate clean. The end can be a powerful beginning.” (265)

i suppose we can approach love like edison did inventions. not in the way that presumes we’re the first to figure it out, but in the way that he kept inventing after multiple failures, and that he didn’t stop at the lightbulb. he just kept getting back on that inventing horse. and yes, it’s a bit insane, but what did we ever accomplish as sane people?

like that recurring tarot card tells me-a bit of madness must figure into every success. but too much madness will derail your whole operation (i paraphrase), so life (and love) is really just a constant negotiation of that line.

this is the perfect reminder (again) on this day when i renew and rethink my covenants with myself. thank you.

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